People from Guam, Hawaii and Korean all adore Spam, that post-war meat in a can sold by the case. Spam fried rice, Spam kelaguén, Spam and kidney bean stew, spam-spam-spam-spam-spammity-spam—yet there’s da kine spam that no one wants. This morning I received a FB message from a hacker in guise as an old friend from Tomhom, Guam. He told me to sign up to pick up my winnings by friending a dubious FB claim agent. When you grow up with fermented foods, you tend to know when something does not smell right. Knowing that an old friend and fellow islander would never first address me in English, I thought I’d have a little fun the with this spammer.
Me: "Hafa adai Dennis, how you been?"
Hacker: "Am doing pretty well thanks,Hope all is well with you over there?, I wonder if you ever heard about the good news said on news some months ago was a reality yet?"
Me: "Uh, I'm not pregnant... what good news?"
Hacker: "About the promotion which was made to some facebook users for them to benefit in the $50,000 giving out by the Facebook Lottery Team to some randomly selected profiles?"
Me: "Sounds like a scam"
Hacker: "Oh No it is not a scam its for real legal and legitimate and not hoax,I got mine already, so is some of my friends which heard the news too, I know you would have received yours too, because I saw your name on the winners list when the Delivery Agent came to my home, or haven't you?"
Me: "Nope, Dennis is this really you?"
Hacker: "Yes this is me and not gimmick,maybe you should add the claim agent online and message him that you want to claim your winning."
Me: "mmmm well there's been many hacker scams here and I've received a few.... sa siempre... kuentas chamorro palabras pot guaha...[as always... speak Chamorro with me...]"
Me: "hafa taya? [what, nothing?]"
The moral of this story is that it’s good to know a language that’s not available on Google Translate. Biba, si toatoan Chamorro! [To Life! Chamorro peeps!] The End.